I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
