So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
