my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
