M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
