just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
