i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
