So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
