I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
