Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
