omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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