you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
