The best revenge is premature balding
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
