I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
