I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
