On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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