Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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