Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
