Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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