i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
