My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
