I just cut my nipple shaving
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
