Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
