goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
