I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
