We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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