that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Randomize
