I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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