I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
