I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
