I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
we're so committed to being not committed
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