I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
