Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
