Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
