I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
