I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
