Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
