Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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