our cab driver is having phone sex.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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