It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
