I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Boobs speak an international language.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
