doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
