Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
