Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
