I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
