I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
