we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
