I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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