They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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