The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
