I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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