So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
