I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
