why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
