Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
