the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
