then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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