There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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