i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
