be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
