i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
the liver wants what the liver wants
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
